...the Wise, the Witty, and the Waste of your time...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

On Pooping...

Yes that's right- a post about pooping. Don't worry...this has nothing to do with adult excreta.

We are nearing the one year anniversary of successful cloth diapering. I know, yay!- right? And guess how many loads of reeking diapers I have washed in the past 12 months - A MILLION! Not a word of a lie. One freaking million diapers. (To my sisters, shush, I am NOT a drama queen!)

To hear hard core cloth diapering advocates describe it- cloth diapering consists of snuggling your darling baby's precious skin in the incredible softness of organic, unbleached, triple spun, hand woven, elf stitched, thirsty layers of hemp fibers which wick away unwanted wetness, smell like lavender, and never leak on mom, the bed, clothes, the special blankie, on floor model playpens in a department store.... (What? Who said that?) And if there are any deposits of solids, simply flip the flushable liner into your shiny porcelain toilet, and flush away. And if there are ever times that mom forgets to put in the flushable liner, cheerily lift the solids out of the layers of unbleached hemp, and flush as usual.

Well perhaps I missed some sort of baby poop memo but as it turns out, my darling daughter (and she is darling- I'm not being sarcastic about this!) does not so much "deposit solids" as she does "sh** with reckless abandon!" The said "lifting of the solids" looks a lot more like holding your breath for 15 minutes while scraping poop and violated green peppers from a desperately-needs-to-be-bleached hemp diaper!

Sigh. For those of you who are cloth diapering and loving it, I apologize for being a downer. And for those who are thinking about it, don't let me discourage you. It's totally do-able. But when someone says, "Oh it's every bit as easy as disposables once you're used to it,"-kick them in the shins for lying! How can it be just as easy as wrapping it up and throwing it in the garbage!? The only diapering option as easy as disposable is- DISPOSABLES!

That being said, it's not nearly as disgusting or difficult as our mother's generation. I know this because I clearly remember the old style of cloth diapering. Having 8 younger siblings (for those of you who did not know this, quick, sit down. ....oh and I also have 2 older siblings...) has given me plenty of diaper changing opportunities. The last few babies were in disposables but my mom, bless her wonderful heart, went the cloth option for most of us. Here's a fun fact for you: did you know that the old style cloth diapers (5x2 feet of fabric) are actually not bulky enough to be wrung out in an old fashioned wringer washer. True story. There's a bunching technique that has to be applied in order to wring water out of the fabric. See, my generation doesn't know essentials like this!

Where was I?.....Oh yes, it's not as hard as it used to be. 80% of the time it's just a basic flip it into the washer procedure. 20% of the time, it inspires all manner of profanities. The smell alone is almost enough to make me throw up my hands. It makes my eyes water even if I'm plugging my nose! But it is true that they can be quite simple, very cute, and of course- wait for it- good for the environment! It's just that, on any given day the diapers either need to be washed, need to be hung up to dry, or need to be folded and put away. (Or need to be thrown, kit and caboodle, into the nearest I QUIT garbage can!) A solid year of thinking about dirty diapers every day is a lot of thinking about dirty diapers. Think of all the brain space and to do list slots that will open up when she's potty trained!! I'll be able to solve crimes, unlock medical mysteries, and spell words without spell check!

I'm sure I could rant on for many more paragraphs but as it turns out, I have a load of clean diapers waiting to be hung up. This is not a lie. It is in fact, this load that inspired me to quickly sit and spew this into cyber space!

How about something happier...like this sweet picture:

This is one of the many beautiful pictures the wonderful Heidi took of my sweet little girl/pooper. If you want to see all of them you can go to Evanie's site for the rest. (Her name is the password.)

Also, Steph, if you read this blog and you're still planning on cloth diapering, all of what I just wrote is a funny joke. It's actually easy and fun and smells like lavender. :)