...the Wise, the Witty, and the Waste of your time...

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Swimming. I don't know how to swim. I've never learned. I used to be able to doggy paddle but somehow I became more concerned with water getting in my ears, eyes, and nose than learning to swim and gave it up entirely. Most people float naturally, I sink naturally. I was declared dead by one enthusiastic swimming teacher in eighth grade because i sink like a rock.

Now Justin on the other hand, is like a fish. He loves water and almost all water sports. To him there is absolutely nothing frightening about jumping into the deep unknown, swimming with eyes open and nose unplugged. To me, thats suicide. Certainly not something FUN. I gave up on swimming a long time ago but the one thing that brings me back is my competitive nature. How can I NOT do this when everyone else, even toddlers, CAN!

So this summer I've been practicing. Every time Justin gives me lessons I get addlepated with embarassment because I feel silly not knowing how AND...swimming gets water in your face! However, Justin's patiently taught me the beginning and I've been going out on my own in water up to my shoulders to practice. I pretend I'm invisible and flounder around above water about 30 seconds at a time and feel like an absolute olympian for it! I know its not much but its SOMETHING and I'm excited!! I can actually tread water and swim about 10 feet at a time withOUT panicking. (after the 10 feet I definitely panic because I'm breathing hard which means I'm tired which means I'll give out and drown! Of course.) AND, I have gone under the water several times and while under, released my death grip on my nose! I didn't even drown. Water does not automatically push into your lungs and suffocate you if you don't inhale! I didn't know this.

I even have pictures to prove my baby steps in the water!

Staring death in the face.

My first attempt at an underwater photo 1 month ago.

Me on Sunday! Yay! Look how much I've improved!

And check this out, even smiling. I was concentrating on not breathing in, thats of course my natural response to having my head underwater, but i faked a smile of sorts.

And just for variety, here's Grace. Hot isn't she?

And this is the only one we got of Sally...oops. Well thats her hair anyway. Nice evil eyebrows.

Justin and his brother Nathan. These two are part seal.

I'm under water? No problem, I'll just breathe with my gills.

The man can even pose angelically under H2O.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

For Mom and Diana

This post and these pictures are specifically for my family who's been wondering what our place looks like....I found a few pictures taken by Sally that I thought I'd post for you all.

Our front door complete with garbage can and giant ogopogo "bath toy." (Sally's) Luckily you can't really see the sick flowerbed border I have. Its retarded. The short border plants are much taller than the tall backround plants!

Our kitchen. Not too big but much bigger than our kitchen in Saskatoon. Much. I enjoy it. This picture doesn't really show you that its burgandy/cinnamon and black...all you see here are the brown cupboards. I've thought of repainting those and than realized....I wouldn't know what to paint them so no. No painting. I'm completely interior decoratingly handicapped.

And a not very good shot of the livingroom and myself. You can see our company was sleeping on the couch. I finally do like our livingroom though. Its a decent enough space but hard to fit into properly. I like the arrangement we currantly have though. It works.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

New and Improved

I was told that the pictures of the last post were tiny so I worked and worked for many hours and now they're bigger. take a look...

Monday, July 16, 2007

Ogopogo adventures

My friends Sally and Grace came to visit last week. It was a great weekend, lots of fun and sun and more Starbucks than my stomach and wallet are used to. We bought a few floaties, one of which was a giant green ogopogo because all three of us are avid ogopogo believers. (thats the "Loch Ness" of the Okanagan lake) We live about 1 minute from two quite nice beaches so this is where we spent a big chunk of our time.

I had to steal these pictures off of Sally's myspace because our camera and computer are at odds. I think the truth is that we actually have to buy a new computer because its too old to work with today's technologies. Until we get it working or buy a new one, i'll just be stealing photos and I'm not sure why one is big and the others are small. But still ...thanks Sally jo.

We were desperately trying to blow up this GIANT flower floatie with an air hose fitted with a tire nozzle....wasnt working at all....

Until this nice young gas attendent noticed our stupid efforts and knocked on the window holding up the "floatie nozzle" if you will. Worked very well...this picture captures our delight! :)

I didn't exactly get VIP seating in this car. Thats my face squashed into the ogopogo's bum.

And the giant flower fit nicely on top. In the 1 minute drive to the water, we actually got stopped by the cops. They were just making sure Grace and Sally weren't going to drive back to WA this way!?!

Justin and Nathan trying to tame the beast. As you can see, it actually bucks people off!

Ahhhh...the beach!

We got to hear Justin do some singing and playing over the weekend. He's on a music team but he's only does vocals so i don't get to hear him play as much as before.

If you'll look closely, you'll see that Justin has the magic bullet attachment in his hands. These two were our slushy drink specialists for those hot days!

Ah yes, a hot bunch.

Looking at this picture, I'm surprised we weren't literally chasing men away all weekend. I mean the stunning beauty present in the three of us is almost staggering. Not to mention intelligence. I remind Justin all the time of what a fine catch I am.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Hate? Mee!?!?!

Today, my coworker approached me and informed me she'd run into one of our clients over the weekend and this client asked if I could please be replaced because...she hates me. Hates me! Thats what she said. She hates me. Her reason is because I'm always in a bad mood!?!? Someone hates me because I'm always in a bad mood?! AaaaAAAaa! This isn't supposed to happen; people are supposed to LIKE me. Its not nice to hate!

My coworker assured me I shouldn't worry because she works with me and I'm not a grumpy or moody person. She feels the reason for the hatred is actually jealousy or competition. I don't feel much better. I'm still hated and hating isn't nice. And I'm nice.

So the hater is 15. We have a youth program every Friday afternoon/evening where we have them at the office, feed them dinner, and usually do something fun like go swimming of mini golfing etc. There's always two or three staff members and 5-11 kids so we're of course always having to remind them not to swear or talk bad about each other or fight or visit filthy websites or hog the games etc. But we ALL work together to keep them behaved, I'm not the only bad guy! And because I'm such a pushover, half the time if I can get away with pretending I didn't hear the "f" word or see the quick cat fight, I do because I hate confrontation. So honestly, I don't think I can be accused of being insufferable to hang out with at work. And truthfully, I really like my job and I don't think I've ever even BEEN in a bad mood while on shift. So I'll go with the jealousy theory...except that I'm ten years older than her. How do we even have anything in common enough that there could be any competition or jealousy?

You know, that reminds me..... I'm ten years older than her......I shouldn't even be phased by this. Darn it, almost 25 and still an insecure, sensitive whiner. I must have forgotten to grow out of this and learn how to be the "bigger man." I know why, its my childhood. I had a rough childhood. I remember once I got teased. And sometimes my siblings called me Chronic Complainer in a singsongy chant. And one time an older sister took me to task for refusing to allow the younger sister (who was my age) to play with us AND....she called me Carrots too! (ahem....mar-ahem-tha!) This is why I'm so sensitive. I'm the victim here! I can't help my reaction. I feel I should be lying on a couch as I bare my wounded soul here.


Ok...its true, I'm being a baby. I need to stop worrying about it and go to bed. There are bigger problems in the universe. Like global warming. I actually heard on the radio today that..... "Glacieroligists predict that NO glacier anywhere is immune to global warming. And they really mean, NO glacier..."
Oh my.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Let the Ladies Breathe!

Have you noticed- this would be strictly a question to the women out there- that on a hot day when you feel like shedding your clothes, the article that is most restricting, uncomfortable and claustrophobic is the $50 brassiere!? I mean, its not a large article of clothing - at least mine aren't - but somehow it creates a sauna of its own and raises my body temperature at least 10 degrees! I HATE wearing them in the summer. I DO wear them, but I hate it. And whenever I can, I wear a bathing suit top because its more comfy. Far less restricting.
Oooooo....wait a minute....I just figured it out. Padding. Its the padding. Its not so much the size of the bra as it is the thickness of it. Kind of like wearing a small lifepreserver wherever you go. Again, this is the ones you'll find in MY closet.
Well, now that I've figured out why they're so darned uncomfortable I'll be less whiny about it. I mean come on, think of the alternative! I've been mistaken for a boy once and that was pretty much enough for me!
It doesn't change the fact that every summer when the really hot weather hits, which I LOVE, a small part of me wishes to join the notorious Ruche Lake Colony in Montana. For the Montanans who read this, you'll know what I mean. For the rest of you....they were the local "mountain nudists" where I grew up. Very tan people. And hey, I'll bet they were more comfortable.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Yogurt vs. Botox

Just so you know, the course I'm taking requires us to experiment with home cosmetics, formulas, and remedies. Recently I learned of a huge list of home cosmetics and, ever the thrifty wife, I've been eagerly trying them out. Instead of buying masks and hot oils and cosmetics, I've taken to soaking my hair in vinegar, wrapping my feet in crushed pineapple, and slathering my face with honey and/or plain yogurt. I don't think I've been transformed but I may be more edible. All I need now is a little salt...

Having admitted my refrigerator/spa habit, it's gotta be better than whatever some of these 75 yr old "I still look 24 don't I?" ladies use. This breed of women seems rampent in the Okanagan. And ever since the sun hit us they've really come out of the woodworks. I saw a lady yesterday who had to be at least 55 wearing bum cheek exposing shorts. Not a word of a lie. Granted, she was in excellent shape for an older woman but it doesn't mean I want to see ALL of her.

I volunteer at Ten Thousand Villages for 4 hours a week and last Friday two textbook examples platformed their way into the store. They oozed money, and not in a classy way. These poor unfortunates looked almost plastic. Their faces were both wrinkle and expression free thanks to some liberal botox. Their eyebrows were arched nearly to their hairlines. Everything was painted, eyes, lips, nails, toes, cheeks, hair. Their perfume was so thick and potent it proceeded them into the store by about 10 minutes. All this topped off by quality smoker's rasps.

I greeted them with the TTV story about us being fair trade and run 90% volunteer to keep costs affordable while still paying artisans good prices and so on. The answer was a quick fake attempt at enthusiasm. "Really, well how lovely." Two minutes later the first lady finds a beautiful handmade solid wood, clock/barometer/thermometer piece.

First woman:
"Look at this goooorgeous piece. This would match anything. I've GOT to have it and its only $80!!"
Second Woman:

I ignored them. This woman had the nerve to come up to the counter and ask if this item could go on sale for her. She got a solid "no" although I wanted to ask her if she would feel happy about taking the bread out of a starving child's mouth so she can have her freaking clock on her wall. Then as she's paying for the clock she noticed our handmade (expensive) woven baskets. Without a care in the world she rifled through them and picked out several, telling me she's "decorating their new motorhome in black and red and these $90 baskets will be just the thing to hang by her mirror oh and by the way could THESE go on sale!?" Another solid no. "Oh well, no matter. Which credit card do you want, my visa, mastercard, or American express. I think I've maxed out my visa this weekend but will you give it a try?"

Infuriating!! My vision began clouding with red. I had this fleeting movie moment in my head where I pick up the rich lady by the scruff of her neck and toss her out the door. I didn't...I just imagined it.

$250 later she finally left our store. Why do we do this? Why are we so selfish? We see sad but true documentaries on poverty and unfairness across the world and our hard little hearts feel bad momentarily but heaven FORBID we should sacrifice a cent to change it. Oh I'll care and send up a little prayer for the children but do not touch my money. As much as that lady got to me...her attitude really seemed a lot like someone else I know. Someone I know well.

What am I doing and how am I handling my money??? Those are the real questions.