...the Wise, the Witty, and the Waste of your time...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Due...and Overdue...

So I'm about 14 weeks overdue with this blog announcement:

I didn't believe the first one so we drove to town and bought two more. They kept saying the same thing!

There's a mix of shock, terror, joy, and disbelief on my face. (I also look like I have energy, right now I can't remember what that feels like.) I pretty much just looked at these little bits of evidence all day and got nothing else done.
Sometime next summer, around July 3rd, we're going to have a tiny person in this house. A very tiny person, and we're going to have to keep it happy and alive! You'd think that having 10 siblings, 8 of which are younger, I would feel calm and prepared for this but let me assure you, I do NOT.
For those of you who have been bugging me to post "cute belly" pictures let me assure you that a pregnant belly begins as a muffin top. At least for me. And there is nothing remotely cute about a muffin top.

I was going to post a picture of an actual human muffin top but they were all too disgusting. This gives you a visual of what things are looking like here though. No pictures until I look more Pregnant than Plump. Or at the very least Pregnant AND Plump.

Some things that have changed in life:

I don't sleep well.
I don't love peanut butter anymore and that makes me sad.
I HATE the smell of laundry and dish soap. HATE it. My rabid smell sensors have tamed a bit but I still loathe those smells.
I sneeze twice a day, every day. Have you ever heard of a mother who is allergic to her baby? 'Cuz I think I am. It's the most bizarre thing.
I am lazy and unmotivated and I blame the baby.
My back is insanely itchy! It makes me crazy! It feels like I have a personal hive of ants living on my back! I've armed myself with 3 kinds of belly balms and a dry skin brush. It's helping.
I can eat 3 large pieces of pizza and 3 or 4 whole waffles in a sitting. This is roughly 75% more than I can usually fit into my stomach.
I want jalapenos and banana peppers every day. We have none.
I could drink 2 quarts of fruit juice every single day.
I love pajamas. And the couch. My baby is going to come out diabetic at this rate.
I have no functional lobes in my brain. I thought "mommy brain" was a hoax but the joke is on me. I even confronted my employer (which happens to be my pastor) about a paycheck I was missing and when asked to bring in all my paystubs of the last 3 months; I found the paystub of the check I was "missing!" I have no memory of receiving or cashing it. That was humiliating.
My jeans are tight.
My shirts are tight. And short.
My underwear are tight.
For the first time in my life, I actually need a brassiere. This I don't mind so much but I'm finding I don't know how to dress for this "problem."
I literally pee 784 times a day.
I actually get too hot when I sleep. I've never ever ever gotten too hot in the winter. Ever.
I pant all the time. I can't sit and talk at the same time without getting completely out of breath.

I'm sure there's more but I'm also sure that anyone who's had kids could pretty much write the same list.

On a somewhat different note: I assist and teach 2 preschool classes, twice a week and "It's time to see if Mrs. W's belly has grown" is becoming a regular part of our circle time. In fact, if we forget, the kids remind us! Yesterday the other teacher, Mrs E, put her head down to my stomach and told Jr to keep growing because all his friends at preschool want to meet him.

Mrs. E: "Do you think the baby can hear me?"
Kids: "Giggle giggle. NO, that's silly. Giggle"
Gavin: "You have to yell in her mouth so the baby can hear!"

You can imagine, I didn't let them try.

Friday, January 9, 2009


It's these kinds of things our mothers warn us about..."If you keep twisting your head around while I'm brushing your hair, it's likely to come unscrewed altogether!"

People are always joking about how they`d lose their heads if they weren`t screwed on tight...for my sister Connie, it`s no laughing matter.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Rest of The Story

My apologies to all of you who have tenderer hearts than myself...

Actually, funny story, Justin discovered this one morning when I was feeling particularly ill and he came upstairs to wake me and let me know the mouse hunt was over. Without even opening my eyes or really waking up I feebly begged him to get me some water and a cracker. Less than a minute later he was back with my requests but in my somewhat irrational state of mind I thought he was bringing me the mouse and trying to put it in my hands. I literally levitated, horizontally, off the bed while ordering him to "Get that THING away from me!!"

My poor husband.