...the Wise, the Witty, and the Waste of your time...

Monday, May 18, 2009

A Plethora

I have a random assortment of unflattering baby bump photos to inundate you with.

Without further ado...

30 Weeks...getting ready for some yardwork. Right around here I think my iron plummeted and I was miserable but yay for supplements, I'm feeling better.

31ish weeks. My first and probably only attempt at taking my own picture. I just thought I really "stuck out" that day so I wanted a picture.

Another one....a little blurry I know but look at the baby!!!

32 weeks. I had just gotten up from my nap and my mouth is full of food. Always the making of a flattering photo.

Now I know you're wondering, who's cool nursery are you standing in! IT'S OURS!!! We worked on it all weekend and I love it! It's vibrant and fun. I'm too hungry to sort through our many pictures to adequately do a "nursery post" right now but I will very very soon. My head is hiding the cute wall art and of course my roundness is hiding everything else but you can kinda see a little tiny bit.

More pictures to come very soon...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Practicing My Authority

I clean a few houses once a week and at one of the houses there lives a little dog. I suspect that the dog may in fact, hold the mortgage, and is allowing the humans to live with it but I have no proof of this. It's a white, curly haired dog of unknown sex (unknown to me) named Sam and to be perfectly honest, the kind of dog I usually tolerate. I'm not a pet person, dog or cat, and this likely stems from the fact that, although we had an abundance of pets growing up, we were used to loving them while sizing up their hindquarters because many of them were destined for the dinner table sooner or later. I remember being told to go to the freezer for 5 lbs of meat, "and make sure it's Daisy, not Bossy, because Daisy needs to be used first."

So "pets" have a very distinct place in my heart and it's hardly elevated but for all you pet owners and lovers, I have no problem with you lavishly loving your four footed friends. I think perhaps that part of my heart just hasn't developed yet. I say "yet" because somehow this little Sam dog has inspired just a hint of amused affection from me. It's often just him and me as we clean and he's become quite knowledgeable on subjects such as toilet cleaning and dusting. He usually plants himself squarely in my path and watches intently for the entire 2 cleaning hours. It's amusing, it's cute, and it's company...so I can't help but like him. Plus he acts like I'm ripping his heart out when I leave which makes me feel quite nice!

Last Friday I stepped outside to shake the rugs and he raced into the yard to pee on the flowers and chew on the grass. The usual routine. Only when I said it was time to come back in, he looked me square in the eye and bolted for the open road!! I had faith he'd come back so I kept yelling....and he kept running! Across parking lots, down onto sidewalks, right beside the main street! I panicked! How do you convince a dog, especially one that's not yours, to "COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

So I slipped on my shoes and ran/waddled after Sam alternately ordering and pleading with him to come. I don't bother even brushing my hair on cleaning days so if you imagine bed head and flipflops topped by a pregnant belly...that was me. Everyone who drove by was giving me sympathetic smiles and groaning at the thought of this frazzled, out of control pregnant woman, attempting to be a mom.

Eventually Sam decided he felt like going home and raced past me, back to the house. I pretended to be all sweet and happy in order not to scare him away again, until the door closed. THEN he was in trouble. Don't worry, I didn't beat him. As silly as it felt I actually gave him a terrible tongue lashing, outlining the troubled he'd caused, how panicked I felt, how much he'd abused my affection, and how close he was to being sold to the traveling fruit pickers. I then told him in no uncertain terms that he had a "time out" for the duration of my cleaning and actually made him sit in the corner. And believe it or not, this dog cowered and moped and sulked and sat in that corner for 45 minutes!!

He did stand up a few times and with a snap of my fingers and a "SAM!"- his little butt sat right back down. When I again opened the door to shake some rugs, he didn't even twitch! It was actually pathetic enough that gosh darn it, I couldn't hate him.

I feel this proves I'm ready to be a mom! My kids will be so well behaved! Of course, they will probably run out on the road a few times first with me screaming behind them but I'm optimistic!

(Yes Heidi, this was your cute Sam and your pregnant housecleaner...I wouldn't really have sold him to the fruit pickers. Afterall, I don't speak french.)