On the Verge

I feel that I am right on the verge of becoming a more diligent blogger. I can feel it; it's going to happen. (It's either that or gas, but SOMETHING is coming!)
My reasons for this optimism are as follows:

• I have lots of nonsensical things to share with the world at large. Because we all know that the (entire) world at large goes charging to my humble blog at each new update.

• I have energy for the first time since last November and I am accomplishing things at a high rate of speed around here which means that any day now I will run out of things to do, fix myself a cup of tea, and become a proper blogger. Or have a baby....

• I am planning to purchase a new camera that will make it easy for me to take decent pictures and this is going to inspire me to be that mom I've always dreamed I'd be. You know the ones, they create AMAZING homes with $2.50 and a tin can, plan spectacular birthday parties using nothing but bread crumbs and tissue paper, take fabulous photos of each precious moment with their impeccably dressed, adorable children, have devotions at 5am, are stylishly dressed in every season without ever going into a store, are slim and tan...you know the types. That will be me soon and I will then post it all on a well maintained blog with handcrafted giveaways every third day just to make the "world at large" feel gross about themselves.

• I have about 8 posts circulating in my head at this very moment. All with pictures and stupendous wit. They're going to make you pee with laughter. (Hey don't mock, I do daycare and whilst tuning out the noise I have imaginary conversations with adults and plan blog posts. A mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do!)

• Daycare is about to end for the summer and I'm certain I will accomplish 2 years worth of projects in those two months. Or have a baby....
  

• I just feel it ok. I have a feeling. I feel it. Stop being skeptics.

Stay tuned for the new me. We'll call it CW 4.0.

P.S. What exactly does the world "at large" mean?

P.S. I don't have my (life changing) camera yet, hence no pictures. Plus I haven't put on make up or done my hair or actually gotten properly dressed yet. I'm not discouraged, CW 4.0 is right around the corner!!

Lost in Translation

Funny conversation between myself, Evanie, and her friend, a 4 yr old E:

Evanie: Mama ah-wanna-eata-soooooup.

Me: You want soup for lunch?

E: No she said she wants shoes.

Me: I don't think she wants to eat shoes.

E: Evanie do you want to eat shoes?

Evanie: Ya ah-waaaanna-eata-soooup!

E: Do you mean MY shoes?

Evanie: Ya!

E: (very worried) Carolyn she says she wants to eat my shoes!! I don't want her to eat them!

Me: I'm certain she won't eat your shoes.

E: Evanie do you want to TAKE my shoes?

Evanie: Ya!

E: Now she wants to TAKE my shoes! I don't want her to take my shoes. They're my NEW shoes!

Me: This is getting out of hand.

In all fairness to the poor 4 year old, Evanie DOES try to claim everything of hers because she thinks the 4 year old is THE standard in all things interesting and cool. So it is completely in character for Evanie to claim and demand her clothes, her food, her toys, and her barrettes. But in this particular instance, I think there may have been a bit of a mistake.

34 Weeks

I have been pregnant for 34 weeks- might be a good time to put out an update about it. My poor second born is already getting the shaft and it's not even finished baking.

I'm already pre-frustrated at the fact that it will have the typical second born baby book. The empty one. I sincerely don't WANT that to happen, I just know it will. I've heard they make "baby book" calendars...does anyone happen to know of a good one? It opens up a slight possibility of baby #2 getting the odd event or milestone recorded. I'm open to any and all suggestions!

So here are the preggo stats at 34 weeks in:

• cravings -nada, but I've lost the will to say no to sugar and chocolate
• energy - finally finally back at 7 months. I kiss the makers of Innate Iron!
  
• heartburn - an ol' buddy
  
• headaches, sciatica, pinched nerves, wheat sensitivities, or nose bleeds - NONE!
• leggings - my daily uniform
  
• current pillow count - four
• watermelon jokes count - only 1!! (my 'oh so funny' sisters don't count)
• bathroom trips - about 50% when compared to my first pregnancy! Thank you so much little peanut!
• sleep - meh....
• movement - crazy! Easily twice as much as Evanie. And strong! Little stinker makes me gasp.
• weight - 19 lbs and counting
  
• Braxton Hicks - constantly since 20 weeks
• vivid, awkward dreams - 100s. So not cool.

Things I've done to prepare for this birth and this baby.....well....writing this post is pretty much step one. Nice.

Actually, now that I think of it, this week I've tried to stop gritting my teeth through the Braxton hicks and breathe and relax instead. That's a step. And I've been reading a book of birth stories to get me into the right head/heart space. So I guess this post is Step 3! Yay, look how prepared I am!

I even have a slightly out of focus 34 week picture.



I'm not the pregnant person I once thought I would be. I always imagined I'd have this ethereal glow, I'd be incredibly in tune with my body and my unborn, and I'd feel fully feminine and maternal.

But this is not my experience.

I find myself viewing my pregnancies as something to cross off 280ish days on the calendar. I wish I were more "glowing" and "ripe with life" but I just don't feel that way. I'm very grateful, it is 100% miraculous, and I genuinely anticipate meeting the precious life God is forming....and that's as ethereal as I get.

With Evanie I was afraid I would be as detached from my child as my pregnancy but that fear was obliterated in powerful tsunami of love for my little girl the instant she was born and I held her wet little body close. So I'm not concerned this time. I'm eager to meet this person who is going to so thoroughly imbed itself in my heart, I will become its mother in a single instant. I can't wait.

Moon Catcher

Remember when your parents were superhuman and capable of anything? They knew all the answers and were never wrong. I've just realized that right now, in Evanie's eyes, I'M the superhero.

Some day she'll be shocked to realize that I'm human and frail and chronically wrong and gave birth to her in my 20s and truly had no idea what I was doing. Just like everyone else.

But for now, there are no limits to what I can do and to what I know.

Today we were out for a walk and the following conversation happened. Evanie was in the stroller, her neck craning towards the sky, her little hands cupped as high as she could reach.

E: "The moon Mommy! I see the moon!"

Me: "Sure enough, you found it."

E: "I catch it mommy. Here moon. Coooome. I catch you!"

Me: "I'm not sure if this is going to work out like you think..."

E: "I can't reach it."

Me: "That's because it's way way high in the sky, Evanie. I'm pretty sure only God can reach it."

E: "Mommy do it? Mommy reach it!! Ok?"

You see? She thinks I could just get a little step stool and pull down the moon for a cuddle! What an adventure you have as a kid...and you never really realize it until you're not a kid...

Easter

When my current course is over (and it almost is), I will resurface. For now, monthly pictures of this cute little girl are all I can do.

She was having a hard time looking at the camera because of the sun. We're not used to the sun in these here parts!


Poor little watering eyes.


Tired princess, playing with mommy's jewelery.


This is post nap, let the Easter hunt begin! She had no idea what we meant by "easter party" but she was SO excited.


Every time she spotted an egg it was more exciting than the last one!


I love the little mouth in this picture.


This picture progression make it look like she spotted this easily but let me tell you, that is not the case. And I'm one of those 'super fun' moms that can hardly keep from stepping in to point out hidden presents and correct childish crafts and make everything as grown up and neat as possible! It was all I could do to just keep encouraging her to keep looking rather than diving for it myself.


Trying out the chalk....or colors as she calls them. She could hardly believe that we were letting her draw on something other than paper!


Little test run with the watering can! She carried that with her for the rest of the afternoon!

If all the squeals and smiles were any indication, I'd say our Family Easter Party was a success. Certainly better than Christmas when nothing happened.