...the Wise, the Witty, and the Waste of your time...

Friday, July 17, 2009

"I Carried a Watermelon"


39 Weeks

So if I could give any advice to first time pregnant ladies it's this: Don't buy watermelon while pregnant. If you're like me and it's the ONLY thing in the world that you actually WANT to eat, ask your husband to purchase it for you.

Why? Because there are too many ridiculous people loose in this world.

About two weeks ago I bought a watermelon and as I approached the counter the cashier started shrieking with laughter and yelling, "Look, TWINS!" Hardy har lady. It was too hilarious to keep to herself so she shouted out to the next cashier and the other people in line who, to their credit, all looked horrified and unamused.

Then as she was (oh so slowly) ringing up my purchases she warned me not to be lifting heavy items while pregnant to which I responded that I wasn't to which she responded by pointing at the watermelon. OH give me a break? It's like, 4LBs! And it's not going to jump into the cart on it's own!

Fast forward to yesterday, same scenario (look, I NEED watermelon), different store. Again the cashier starts making jokes about me trying to smuggle a free one under my shirt, Chortle Chortle. Again, very funny.

The lovely gray haired woman in front of me in line took the opportunity of my cornered status (well after my purchase was made) to tell me it's "all about being relaxed" and showed me some clever trick you can do with your fingers that proves your body is relaxed and relayed how she just sat and did this for a day and a half and "viola" out came her daughter. I gritted my teeth from making some snide comment about not doing things 1800s style and tried to squeeze my 'watermelon smuggling' body past her cart. Unfortunately I'm not the fastest on my feet these days so she kept pace with me and continued her steady stream of advice out into the parking lot. I don't have a clue what she said because I was too focused on holding my watermelon and biting my tongue.

Then, to heap insult to injury, upon arriving home, I had the watermelon jammed between my foot and the door while finding my keys and before I could react it rolled out of the bag, onto the porch, bounced down the steps, into the carport, and began rolling towards the road. I chased it, none to nimbly and managed to corner it right before it reached the road. Then I pregnant plie squatted to hoist it up and angrily carried it into the house.

The moral? No more watermelons until after the baby. Stick to grapes and strawberries.


Like these! We picked these on Tuesday and oh my goodness, are they delicious!

5 comments:

Nini said...

um...that was hilarious! seriously.

I am sorry people can be quite lame...but at least you are able to make us laugh about it! Soon...very soon your little nugget will be coming. Hang in there!

J Matt Miller said...

That is awful but highly amusing. You might actually get so desperate that you will end of trying the finger trick. Balsamic vinegar, I was told, will also make you go into labor and ,Yes, I did try it.
People step way over the bounds of decent conversation these days.
One time I went into a store with my beautiful 4 week old baby Ethan and the lady in the check out line in front of me took one look at him and said, "Thank God, I got my tubes tied!" Like he was the smallpox or something. I still get mad at her.
Enjoy your watermelon...and cry as much as you like. It helps start labor. ~Diana

Anonymous said...

Dear Carolyn,
People are always and will always be stupid. We have reached this conclusion years ago. Love Grace

Anonymous said...

that is a great story!

For some reason it made me think of the time that Diana, Grace and I got the idea that some one at our church was expecting and Jean assumed that we were right and said some thing to the poor lady who was "not pregnant". Hehe

Ruth

Martha A. said...

Hee, hee, Carolyn....at least you gave us a laugh!!
Have people gotten worse or do people just say things now they think instead of knowing the proper bounds of politeness?

If I was like that, I would hand my doula cards to every pregnant woman on the street......what pregnant woman would not appreciate that? = )

Anyhow, i hope that in spite of that, you will enjoy watermelon once again soon! Those strawberries look really good! i wish we had a place to go pick around here!