I am an Amoeba

When your boss approaches you out of the blue and tells you that, "by the way, you get next Friday off, the new guy's taking your shift..." ...is that a reason for concern? You get a day off???? What? Is that code for "You're being phased out, let go, fired? You're a lousy worker?!" Grrr! What are you saying?!?!

What is an appropriate response for something like this? Thank you?... What have I done wrong?... Is this about hating?

The frustration and uncertainty of this stupid announcement, made first thing in the morning, has been pounding in my head all day; wanting to unleash at the most inopportune times in a flood of tears. You see, lately I've made a few innocent yet obvious blunders at work. Nothing major, no lives have been lost or psyches' harmed but they have been mistakes and worse yet, personal pet peeves of my employer. (Quote- When you don't make your end of the week phone call, I take that as a personal finger to the boss!-end quote.)

I feel (I do not know if this is FACT, but I FEEL) as though I went from star player/valued employee to "get 'er replaced, asap!" I HATE this feeling.

So now I'm getting a day off. I should be ecstatic because I haven't had a Friday evening at home in 7 months but instead here I am; a pathetic neurotic, hunched over my keyboard, posting my fears and insecurities to the general public, and desperately wishing I had been born with a backbone.

Yep, there it is...there's my backbone. All pink and squishy.

I didn't even ask why or if this is something I should expect long term or if its a reflection of my job quality or if they are revamping schedules for everyone or ANYTHING! I didn't ask anything. As always, I responded with a dead-calm "Ok" as if it really was. Why is it just always "OK" with me. I mean, it is not my goal to be abrasive and confrontational but seriously, I don't have to be a passive doormat to everyone. I'm the proverbial ostrich with its head in a hole or possum playing dead. Hide, wait till it blows over, take the blame, say you're sorry, just heaven forbid don't hurt anyone's feelings or stand up for anything.

Except the phone company, I'm sick of the phone companies calling with their newest bundle that only costs a fortune. I am very to the point with them. I can't hang up because that feels rude but I can say very sternly, "No thank-you, I'm very uninterested, you don't need to call here again. If I change my mind, I'll call you!" I know, bravery at its finest.

You know, there is always the option of just not reading into my "day off" and actually enjoying it. I hadn't thought of that till this very second. If this IS a precursor to bad news than I could just deal with it as it comes, IF it comes. Isn't there a Bible verse that says not to worry about tomorrow..."...sufficient for the day is its trouble..." or something like that. Hmmm...